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michael
mo
181193
SJI.trampGym

not bad. not bad.
few hours and i've bounced back :) ok this is going to be a mess of words.
you heard right. a mess..

i tried to take a picture of love
if only you could have seen the potential
the potential of you and i.
tried to write a letter in ink
but its empty.
i'm right, i swear i'm right
hope tangles on a string.
i asked her to stay
but she wouldnt listen.
wander through fiction
to look for the truth hidden beneath your eyes.
well hello sir,
its a monday.
maybe i'm the problem
maybe i'm the chance of rain.
the meaning of resistance.
can you feel it
rushing through your head.
when i look at the stars
i see myself.
hope for better days.
cause i don't want the world to see me.
what do you do
when it all falls apart.
someone once told me
fear is the heart of love
so i never went back again.
bury me
bury me. yesterday's kindred spirits was pretty cool.
some ppl were singing off tune,
but you can't really blame them
cause seeing as they don't have prof training,
i think it was really nice anyway.
some teacher's performed, IJTP mordern dance,
and sji bands, old boys' bands..
it was quite interesting too. a few
unexplected and expected incidents.
_________________________________

the sun sets and
shadows grow out of corners;
the moon rises
acknowledging the rising darkness.

we, mostly, fear
not the dark, but the unknown
and the fact of being uninformed.

they cower in fear
as darkness kneels before them,
attracted to withering seeds of love
and stars of hope.

some, however, seek the dark,
rare and few they may be,
but sometimes not knowing
is just better than the blinding truth.

but in the end, he who dwells
among the unknown,
loves the feeling of being alone;

because in darkness,
material pleasures are lost,
simply being unable to find,
and appearance and image counts for nothing.

in darkness, there is
no more rising with useful wallets
or armoured suits of whatever they may be;
all thats left is the edge of our minds
and the steel of our character.

because in the dark
we are not closed from reality,
we are shielded from the unimportant
and before the truth,
of life and who we really are,
we stand as ourselves, vindicated.
__________________________________

i have to say, i think this one's great. ah. this week sucked.
due to the fucking rotation policy,
im sitting right in front. beside the teacher's table.
like wtf -.- plus i have to sit there like for 6 more days.
sigh.

wah ystd trng. was quite demoralising actually.
like all sec 2 doing backsomer liao ><
i'm going all whatthefuck.
cause THAT is not good.
not at fucking all.

tmrw's kindred. hope its nice.
last resort - earphones in my shirt (:

you know that feeling where you want
to do something about it, but you
just fucking can't?
tell me about it man -.- [edit] i really like the poem, it says
alot, so i'm leaving it here. anyway,
mugged a lot of geog today :)
and.. for once i'm actually looking
forward to training. physical pain
... helps. it does. -.- [/edit]

for once in my life, words failed me.

he who thinks he is smarter
always meets someone
more informed and much quicker.

wrong time, bud.
of all the moments ahead,
it had to be then;

they call it a leap of faith,
cause in the end faith
is faith
is hope, uncertainty and desperation
rollied into one.

just when i try to step forward
into the dark room,
looking for the switch,
i fall,
fall far.

people draw weapons when tension
breaches peace. there's always a back up,
though.
gotta blame myself on this one.

take out mine.
load, lock and..
jammed.
great. got hit.

the first punch always hurts the most.
the shock. of anger, pain
transformed into
an immense physical presence.

luck's gone. damn bitch.
hit again. and again.
again. and again.

its like putting two in the head
when its already rolling on the floor;
and blowing his guts out
when he wearing white already.

pain is a feeling. it can be
controlled with practice.
thank god i'm well learned in that.

i get up.
knees,
feet.

revenge isn't really the best thing.
sometimes you want to.
but i really didn't, then.

get up
and walk, limp away;
whatever it takes to find
a quiet place. crawl if i have to.

__________________________________

i'll be surprised if any of you all actually get this one.
maybe one. but the rest? nah. Here you go mik. i wrote it some few months ago.
hope it cheers you up ;D im such a kind person LOL

The ordinary never want to be themselves,
the special never want to be different.
The common will want to stand above the rest,
the unique will want to hide in the crowd.

The ordinary respect the special,
they gather in number to
support kings and queens,
show their love celebrities;
to admire the different.

The special look at the ordinary,
they feel outcast, different
because that is who they really are.
But they love the ordinary who support them
because only there, will they be loved.

But in the end,
all of us, be it the majority equal
or the minority different,
we have to stand to reality
and appreciate ourselves
and love, support oursleves.

Because
the common are actually very rare,
and the different are in truth, very common.

Our similarities make us who we are
and the differences make me who i am.
Finally, there ain't much difference,
because in the end,
we will always be who we are
and I will always be who i am.
________________________________

this week rocked.
mon - hellboy 2
tues - slack day
wed - booooring
thurs - the DARK KNIGHT. it wasn't good.
it was fucking awesome!
fri - slack

anyway on a heavier note.
ystd, my sis was complaining to me abt
her bitchy teacher, and while getting buried
in her words, i realised that whenever i try to complain
abt smthg to her, it doesn't usually work.
then it dawned on me that, i'm always..
asking
helping
consoling
advising.

and getting, well.. not much. *auto-computer voice* this is auto-t4;
mech-t4 is up.
shields and vitals secure.

ground con, ground con, this is mech t-4;
inbound to rdv eta 20 seconds.. fall all my flaws, you sure have some.
i may not have said everything i've wanted to say,
but somehow even if life were made fair,
i still would have lost.

its better to have loved and lost,
than to have not loved at all.

...? ground con, ground con this is mech-t4.
we are inbound to rdv point..
eta t- minus 60 seconds....
--static--
ah!! can anyone her me?! this is --static-- mech-t4..
team leader t2 is down, i repeat, team lea--static--der t2 is down..
we got ambushe--static--d sir!! i need immediate air --static--
support!

this is --static-- ground con we copy, i repeat we copy.
air support is inbound e--static--ta 4 mins.

what?! FOUR MINS? i ain't got that ti --static--

*auto-computer voice* this is auto-t4;
mech-t4 is down.
emergency shields are at 83, full.
self-repair in progress, ect 45 mins.
self repair in --static-- i brushed with death today.
almost fell off the tramp and could have
1. landed on my front, broken an arm
2. landed on my back, bruised a few ribs
or 3. landed on my neck, and... yeah.
except that my junior, whom i tell not to sit
on the side of tramp ALL the TIME, somehow
cuishioned most of the impact
and left me with a bruised butt bone.
this is the same junior whom i continuosly scold.

my life is so fucked up. im neurotic. i think a lot. too much, in fact. i seem to know quite alot about others, and know nothing of myself. while i probably just dont know much about anyone in general. and i think i lead a miserable life. my parents take everything out on me, i get mocked on a daily basis and
gym pisses me off. i can remember every person who has mocked before and i hate all of them. hate. wholeheartedly. one of these days, i'll probably end up punching one of them. and maybe if i don't crack so early, i'll go apply for a job in manslaughter and deal with all those assholes. you know, ever heard of serial killers all having traumatic childhood and teenage years. how coincidental. or, i could just stand really still and make evryone think im a rock, they already do anyway. im like one of those people which have to sacrifice their sanity, pride and rights so that the rest of the world gets their share of experience in bullying someone else. like you know. a scapegoat. something like that. or, i could just get into a fight in school and you know ruin my chance of going to some university which teaches you how to kill people you hate just by staring at them. interesting. i doubt you've met a person who would want to kill so many people at the innocent age of 14 goingon15. but then again. who cares, after all, i have to be given this shit, its all part of some big guy's grand plan of making me.. go nuts. bend the bars,
snap the cords,
breach reality,
and break free. bungee jumping, but there's always a cord.
skydiving, with a parachute.

In life, everyone's tied down.
A cord, a safety line,
be it others or a higher calling.

For this, we must sacrifice
that closes to our heart;
for ourselves, others
and the greater good.

But keep on fighting
for ourselves we will;
wanting more
be it for superficial reasons
or just a matter of
profound self preservation.

And keep on fighting, we will. I would undo all that was wrong.




its a stop sign,
in the middle of a highway.
but the choice is yours
to take a break
or get lost and flow away.

you really couldn't care less,
"there'll be an accident there, god bless"
follow the traffic,
yet always choosing a desired turn
in a journey that takes forever to end.

at section 26
a father sits on the bonnet,
mobile in hand
temper going to end;
kids giggling on the trampoline
silver smoke spewing from
a long dead engine.

you drive by
wondering whether staying in your car
or stopping and opening your heart
would be cowardice.

no idea
no fucking idea
that's what. its hard to forgive others, but forgiving yourself is even harder. especially if you screwed up real bad, and then you blame yourself for calling a bad one, when you had a really short time to react. then after beating yourself up for being real dumb, you somehow end up thinking about how much life would be different if you hadn't made that stupid decision. then your imagination makes you bleed a slow death by telling you how much better everything would have gone. and then, you start asking yourself why on earth didn't you say the better answer. and you keep on asking yourself that...everytime feeling like blowing a whole in your heart. after along period of time and a very damaged heart and self-esteem, your conscious decides to protect you by taking away all these question and thoughts and words and more words. all that's left is a picture. a picture of what you hoped for, what you missed, what you don't have ,and what you want so bad. but the catch is that when this perfect scenario comes into focus, while the other nonsensical guilt blurs into the distance, it somehow emphasises how bad you screwed up, how bad you fucked up. and its back to square one.

time doesn't heal these wounds. time doesn't do anything besides bring us an illusion of our own perception. however, it is only an illusion and once you start thinking clearly..

the scene is clear again with that picture of what you missed. and below the picture in fine print is " this is how bad you fucked up, moron."

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Jerry
Glen
Mikhail

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you are patient,
you are kind,
you'll never leave our minds,
you can hurt in the behind.

you are tender,
you are strong,
you would make a good steak,
and could last forever.

you are pleasure,
you are pain,
you're about giving,
and not what we stand to gain.

you are honest,
you are trust,
truth here is a must,
stop thinking about all that lust.

you are beautiful,
you are sexy,
sometimes you're so petty,
nothing but messy.

you are nowhere,
you are everywhere,
people are always looking for you,
surprise them, that's what you always do.

you are everything,
you are nothing,
no one could ever find the right words for you;
i know it's not nice,
but your name will have to suffice,
so... what are you?